The Things We Lost and Gained
by TeeFly
Summary: Short one-shot about...well the title says it right? M/S of course...set after IWTB...which was incredible!


**Disclaimer:** I do not in any way, shape, or form own the characters within my story…they belong to Chris Carter (and Ten Thirteen) who can have them since he is so good with them…but I'm just borrowing them for a bit…

**A/N:** Okay so this is a one-shot set after IWTB (which personally I loved very, very much!!) Just a little M/S fiction about what has happened and how far they have come…told in Mulder's POV…my first actual X-Files fan fiction…so be kind.

**The Things We Lost (& Gained)**

Mulder sat in the house that Scully and he had been living in for the past few years, absently flipping through the channels, but not really paying any attention to what was on. He for one really loved the house in which they currently resided. It was pretty secluded and as close to the country as you were going to get in Virginia. That thought brought him back in time, back to when his and Scully's lives were normal…well as normal as working on the X-Files and searching for proof of the existence of extraterrestrial life could be.

He smiled to himself thinking that his definition of normal was one most people would consider spooky. But he was Spooky Mulder after all and as Doggett had so eloquently put it he could find a conspiracy in a church picnic. He allowed his thoughts to temporarily wonder what had become of John Doggett, a man who in the end had earned his respect and his trust, but when a redhead jogged past the TV screen his thoughts returned to Scully.

He knew why Scully had chosen the house she had, though you were never going to get her to admit it. She would claim it was that it was secluded and out of the way which were both extremely important ingredients when you are on the run from the Federal Government. But he knew the truth, he knew that it was because she had never forgotten their conversation on that little farm in Home, Pennsylvania so many years ago

** _...Flashback..._**

_He had been describing his childhood but the last bit was what caught her attention "…no cell phones." _

_She looked up at him and said, "Mulder, if you had to go without your cell phone for two minutes you'd lapse into catatonic scitsophrenia." _

_He had felt the need to correct her. "Scully you don't know me as well as you think you do. You know my work demands that I live in a big city, but if I had to settle down, build a home, it'd be in a place like this."_

_She had glanced around, "It'd be like living in Mayberry."_

_**...End Flashback...**_

He thought it odd that back then he would usually end up staying up at night unable to sleep thinking about the future, but lately more often than not it was the past that occupied his thoughts. He thought about how much had been gained and lost in his quest for the truth, and even now six years after that quest had, for all intents and purposes ended he still wasn't sure whether or not they had won. He had started out on this quest only searching for the truth and in that respect he had won, but in finding tangible evidence of the truth he, and now Scully, knew to be true, he had failed.

He felt that it was ironic that he had spent over a decade searching and in the end all he had was what he had begun with, faith. But there were times and events that had tested his faith, almost to the point of no return, times when his desire to find the truth were outshone by immense grief and fear, and times where he questioned if the cost was greater than the reward. The ones that stuck out particularly in his mind were his parent's deaths, the Lone Gunman's deaths, and Scully being forced to give up their son, for his safety and protection.

At the thought of his son a tear came to his eye. William had been so perfect. When he left it was to make sure him, Scully, and William were safe. He never thought that when he got back William would be gone. He would have stared at him more, told him how much he meant to him (even though he wouldn't have understood), tried to make sure he wouldn't forget his cry or anything else about him, because in the years to come his memories of his son would be all he had to remember him by, well aside from the pictures.

He knew Scully still feared that he hadn't completely forgiven her, but he loved her and knew that it was incredibly difficult to give William up, even if it was what was best for him. In fact most days he felt like it was his fault. He secretly blamed himself for a lot of the things that had happened over the years. His quest had caused so much pain. He only hoped that if one day his son decided to search for them, and wanted to know the truth that they could explain it to him so that he understood. So that he could learn to forgive them. So that maybe one day they could be a part of his life.

Mulder walked over toward the fish tank to look at them and attempt to get his mind off William. He sat down on the bed and closed his eyes. It was hard to believe that William was seven years old now. He rubbed his eyes and sat there for a moment completely still, and then suddenly, like a memory, his last dream popped into his mind. It was a simple dream really, Scully and he had decided to adopt and were in the backyard with a child.

He laughed to himself when he thought that he used to dream of alien conspiracies involving men and women in the deepest darkest parts of the government, now only six years later the only dreams he had involved white picket fences, laughter, and the pitter patter of little feet on a hardwood floor.

And while the beliefs he held and truths he had uncovered would always be a part of him he now understood that he couldn't let them become all of him. But at the same time Mulder would never stop believing that the truth was out there and that it must in the end be uncovered, after all so many lives had been taken in this quest he couldn't let it all be for nothing. He couldn't let their sacrifices go unnoticed. He couldn't just forget. It wasn't in his nature to let things be.

Just then he heard the front door shut and he knew Scully was home. He involuntarily smiled. After around sixteen years of knowing her it still amazed him at how happy she made him simply by glancing in his direction. How one meaningful look from her could make him feel like life had meaning and purpose.

"Hey Mulder what are you doing in bed? Are you sick?" she questioned rushing to his side and feeling his head.

"I'm fine mom." He joked. "Just thinking is all."

"That doesn't sound good." She joked back. He merely smiled. She was beginning to worry. She could tell something was bothering him and she needed to know what it was. "Seriously Mulder are you okay?" she questioned again this time barely above a whisper.

He grabbed her hand and looked deep into her eyes. She knew this was going to be a serious conversation. She rubbed his hair. "What is it?" she questioned keeping her voice barely audible. He took a deep breath and then said.

"Scully have you ever thought about time travel?"

She smiled. "Mulder are you messing with me?"

Temporarily allowing a small smile to grace his lips he continued, "No, Scully I'm serious. Just listen. Knowing everything you know now if you could go back in time somehow and change what has happened would you? Would you still join the FBI and the X-Files…" looking down he continued, "would you still be with me?"

Scully tilted Mulders face from a downward position up to make him look into her eyes once again. "Mulder if I could go back in time and change it, I wouldn't. Because okay sure some really hard things have happened and a lot of terrible things, but so did a lot of good things. And we have to cling onto the good, because if we don't then I'm afraid that the darkness you said follows us will get us, and Mulder I don't want to let it."

He pushed a strand of loose hair out of her face. "Scully I can't stop searching for the truth, I can't let them all have died in vain."

"I know that Mulder, you're passionate, it's another reason I fell in love with you."

He wagged his eyebrow and smiled, "Keep talking Scully."

"You know Mulder I don't mind you still wanting to believe, you wouldn't be you without UFO's and government conspiracies, but please just don't let it become your entire life again. I can't live like that anymore Mulder, I won't."

"Scully you are my entire life now, everything else is just gravy." They smiled and kissed.

Scully figured that if she wanted to talk to him about this it was now or never. "Hey Mulder I was just wondering, what do you think about adoption?" She knew that it was a crazy idea and she still missed William every single day, but lately she had been having a dream about this, and if the X-Files had taught Scully anything it was that your instincts are generally right.

He looked slightly confused. "In what context?"

"In the lately I've been having a reacurring dream about it, and don't laugh, but I think God is trying to tell me that I'm ready, that we are ready, to finally be a real…family."

Mulder smiled his most charming smile. "Are you sure?" he questioned.

"Yeah." She smiled back and he scooped Scully into his arms and kissed her.

...One Year Later…

Four months ago a woman named Michelle Hognich had contacted Mulder and Scully to inform them that twins had recently been given up and she wished to know if they would be willing to meet with them. A boy and a girl she had said. Without even a seconds hesitation they had agreed and now two months later they were sitting in the babies room rocking them to sleep.

The girl in Mulder's arms they had decided to name Samantha Katherine Mulder. She was the most beautiful baby girl Mulder thought he had ever seen. She had pretty blue eyes and light brown hair. And after only two months Mulder was already wrapped around her little finger.

The boy that Scully held donned the name Jonathan Sergei Mulder, and he, unlike his sister possessed bright green eyes and dark blonde hair. But strangely enough Scully could tell that he was going to be just like Mulder. Something about him was just so familiar, so Mulder like, that she knew this was meant to be. Not to mention Mulder was intent on letting their babies believe as he believed that the truth was out there. To show this little Johnny, as they called him, was wearing a baby sized I Want to Believe t-shirt that had the picture of Mulder's poster on it.

And while some days the past still haunted Mulder and Scully they knew that as long as they had each other, and the strength of each others beliefs, that they would be okay.

* * *

Hope you liked it…sorry if they seem out of character, but this is my first fan fiction with the X-Files…anyway please review…


End file.
